another dream

Sometimes when I look back at these entries I feel like an idiot. Sometimes I sound so dumb. I misspell words. I complain. I don't use correct grammar. I am sarcastic. Not really all that funny. There are times that I do crack myself up, but I get me. I can read back with an outsiders perspective and I don't make a lick of sense. I am completely contradictory and fairly predictable. There is no literary genius here. It seems like oftentimes my clever (to me) observations that seemed so hilarious while trying to fall asleep, fizzle out when I sit here trying to type it all in. If anything, at this point, I want this to become a place of disciplined writing. A place where I come daily, state something and hit publish. I want the regimen of coming and sitting and writing and thinking and sharing and venting and creating, something. I sit here today and I think, "I got nuthin'". It seems like I edit my comments and statements. I can only print the good stuff, not the bad. I don't want to be that way. Here's my stream of consciousness attempt at being raw:

My hair needs coloring. Badly. I am too ADHD to go and get it done. I could barely sit through my haircut the other day. There, I said it. I can't sit through a haircut. The poor girl at Van Michael looked so offended when I told her not to style it. I really didn't even want her to blow it dry because I wanted to stand up and move around and get in my car and drive away. I could not sit in that chair another second and felt like that black cape around my neck was strangling me. So there is something bad. Also I don't valet when I go there. I don't want some sweaty stinky boy in my car. So I always park at Whole Foods, go in and buy a Arden's Garden juice and then go to the hair appt. There is another bad thing. But those boys/men have been standing out in the hot sun all day and you know they are sweaty and they have to be stinky. Blech.

But I digress.

I had a dream a couple of nights ago. I think you should always write down dreams and because this one needs to be written down and because I need to create an entry, here it goes:

My sister and I are swimming in a lake. I think the whole family was there too, including her family and my parents. We were all swimming and splashing and playing on the dock. We would run and jump off the dock. It was very solid and big. There was a long wooden walkway out to the dock. The water was very still and smooth like glass. My grandfather appeared in the dream, Papa Davis. He was wearing jeans rolled up just above his ankles. He ran across the dock, jumped out and landed on the water. He began running and skipping and dancing across the water, kicking up his knees and leaning over and slapping the water with his hands and tossing fingerfuls of water all around him. He was laughing and shouting and enjoying every second of this. Then he said to us with arms outstretched, "IT'S THIS EASY! I'VE BEEN ON THE OTHER SIDE. I CAME TO SHOW YOU THAT IT IS THIS EASY!!! SO SIMPLE. NOT HARD AT ALL. SO EASY. THIS EASY. YOUR FAITH IS EVERYTHING". His declaration was so profound to us in the dream and resonates with me still. I still see his brown ankles dancing above the water. I see his large hands splashing the water and hear his elated cry of excitement as he walked on water. He didn't elaborate. That was the end of the dream. Yet, even now I hear his voice in my head telling me that my faith is everything. I know what he was telling me. My God is as big as my faith says He is. He asks me almost every day if I trust Him. If my dreams take years, do I trust him. My faith answers, "Yes". He can only show up and work in the space that I provide for Him. So what can I say, other than, "One, two, three..."?