Paradigm Shift

I was not able to go on outreach, as I am fairly confident no one is coming back in time for me to catch my flight out. I kept hearing different answers and never knew for certain, but I am still here and didn't go. I spent the evening with a little girl named Olga who has big fat dimples in her cheeks and I see in her the reason why I love it here. This nation needs to feel the love of a mother. I love loving on her but I don't want to come here and take love from her and the millions like her, but give. One of the main things I am learning here is how horribly spoiled rotten we are. When you are stripped of entertainment, good food, internet, telephone, family, friends, shopping, makeup, hair dryers, 1000 threadcount sheets, TJ Maxx, the list could go on and on, you come to look into the mirror of yourself and who you truly are. We are terribly weak human beings who rely on other things and people to entertain us. I am becoming quite aware of my Westerness and being brought up in the culture of having what I want when I want it and relying on "things" and food and such to entertain me. I am realizing just how weak I am as a human once all this has been stripped away. Where is the true source of my joy? Does it come from a bottle of 1997 Russian River Valley Pinot? On the front of a Neiman's catalogue? Behind a fragrant glass counter in a department store? In front of a plate of goat cheese something or another? Or is it sooo deep it could never run dry and it completely rests in relationship with my Creator? I am realizing that I don't like to be hot, hungry, uncomfortable, smushed, stinky bathrooms, bodily functions of strangers, dirty kids with elbows and hatred. I realize that I need His love to love myself, to love others, to be so full of a love that is not of this world, that saves me from myself and allows me to become a new wineskin, full of His new revelation, His mercy and His heart. That is the only thing I could want it life. Even for those who it is quite easy to love? How much better to love them with His eyes and His wisdom and to pour that out instead? So I am quite being stripped of some of my selfishness and certainly seeking Him in a humble desperation. Here, you are stripped of every creature comfort and you just get to look at yourself, whether you like it or not, and see how shallow we can be. I feel soooo small minded, closed minded and so unaware of the big picture of life. All these cultures that exist outside of mine and all that we are up against and better yet, all that we have for us! I don't want to live in my little bubble, but a life of abandonment to all things that Christ has for me. He has promised us the nations as our inheritance, and I cannot take them, if I cannot see them the way He does. So I am constantly dying to my will and actually, earnestly hungering to be hungry and thirsting to be thirsty so that I can be full and fully quinched by Him and Him alone.