7. Bitterness & Resentment

By guest columnist 

Beth Andrews 

In 4 days, I will have been living in the Charleston area for one year. My husband arrived in January and I remained in Georgia until the house was packed and prepped enough for selling. I left behind a full time job to become self employed, moved from our home in Georgia to rent in Summerville, SC and purchased a house in Mt. Pleasant in September after selling the Lavonia home in June. 

I have lived in bigger towns before but that was a long time ago when I looked and acted more like a girl. Rural Northeast Georgia had become home for 20 years. As excited as I was to return to a big city, I was equally nervous. I would trade in one set of conveniences for another and wondered how I would adapt. The doubt played out the future to be a scary mess while the excitement was expecting one glorious day after the other. 

Everything was going to be different and I hoped I was not too old to keep up with the pace. And things were different, from trash pick up day to the commute to work. I felt a little like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz. We don’t like to talk much about hurricanes around here so definitely the seemingly natural event that brought me here was a tornado in the form of a car trip. At 11:00 in the morning I was a resident of Lavonia, GA and by 4:00 that afternoon I was a South Carolinian again.

Ironically, I did become like a girl again but this time more nervous and less carefree. I missed the 5 minute commute to work where I had to negotiate one stop light and make 3 turns. A common morning was a 45 minute commute to travel 10 miles and passing 3 car accidents. After 3 months, I began to drive to work without allowing extra minutes to pull my fingers from the steering wheel and allow my heart rate to return to normal. 

I was never more happy when I realized the morning drive was becoming familiar. Finding short cuts and making some successful predictions about the traffic flow cured my uneasiness. Trial and error taught me when I left at 7:16 instead of 7:13, the drive would be much harder. By mid Summer, I was able to leave for work and actually enjoy the drive. 

After figuring out the traffic to a manageable level, I found a talk radio station that taught me about my new hometown. I was educated in city politics, current events, and even about the people who were in those car accidents I passed. While stopped in line 20 cars back from the red light, I snatched the opportunity to pause and enjoy the new scenery. After moving from Summerville to Mt. Pleasant, I was exposed to a friendlier flow of the morning commute and a different view of the area. 

As I crossed two rivers, looking to the left was The Ravenel Bridge over the Cooper. The cargo ships were loading at the docks to my right and above were the cargo planes flying low on maneuvers. The commute had officially evolved into a true education. This was round two of the new hometown experience within 6 months. So much life was happening around me in the much quicker 20 minute drive to work. 

Now a pro at driving in my age category, I was able to take in more during the drive. My eye could connect and read the billboards without attaching myself to the car in front of me. Over the year, I noticed the billboards provided seasonal and year round opportunities. Festival advertisements were ongoing except during Christmas when the stores were competing for space to announce their gifts for sale. The billboard ads changed often and one weekend would plea for the drivers to attend the charity auction or next concert in North Charleston. Save the Angel Tree is up this week and I plan to go visit this very old, phenomenal tree in the next few weekends. 

I have been particularly interested to see what the Spring Billboards will tell me about Charleston, the Holy City. Cal and I were too busy this time last year trying to drive without an accident to notice the calendar of events along the highways. This past week, every few miles I am seeing a trend in advertising for cosmetic improvements. Summer beach season is approaching and the tuck and pull ads are quickly emerging. A billboard advertising vein removal has a pair of woman’s legs placed upside down and crossed over for lady like fashion to represent the “V”  in vein. That billboard is clever enough to make me want to give them a try. I have enough work for them to do.

Living 10 minutes from the beach, I began to wonder if I had a responsibility to look like I belonged here. I glanced around in the grocery store while standing in line and grabbing my treat of 3-pack Ferrero Rocher candy. Next, I pretended to be in deep concentration pulling the rewards card out of my wallet and looked with more scrutiny at the other women to make sure they had soft and fluffy spots on their body, too. I was pleased to find out I did not have to go see the upside down “V” clinicians right away. The areas were there from arm to thigh that could be smoothed and unwrinkled but I had enough women on my side of the camp that would allow me to wait and think about this next year.

The line was unusually long that day so I had time to consider some free things I could do to look younger and beach ready. I didn’t want to really think about a strict diet or copying an online crossfit regimen. I could not think of any other free way to look younger until having a conversation with Grace. She told me about today’s emotion to give up for Lent. After Grace read the sentence about bitterness and resentment, I was able to imagine what these 2 words do to your body when living inside.

Resentment causes the face to intensify and contract the eyes into a constant narrowed state. Narrow eyes do not see the world through the lens God intended. Unfortunately, really good feelings come out of resentment and bitterness like empowerment and entitlement. Bitterness walks the mind into places where everyone else is wrong and only the bitterness is right. Resentment propels the feelings into a constant thought about what you don’t have instead of what you do. 

I used to resent positive people. They were silly and naive. I believed there was no depth to a positive person and that they lived by a set of fake principles avoiding the truth about the reality and pain of life. My eyes opened and my soul learned about the power of positive living as I moved closer to God. He taught me the grip of bitterness and resentment needed to be released and I would be refreshed in every area of my body.

As I reflect over bitterness and resentment, I quickly check to make sure I have none of that hiding in me. My veins show my age and I am okay with that for now. I am reminded of where my life has travelled. When I learned to give thanks in all things, including pain and problems, I became happier and turned into one of those positive people that once made my bitterness and resentment, more bitter and resentful. Meeting God everyday assures me that I can be the person that is better than who I really am. God gives freely, teaches me wonderfully new and energizing concepts, and makes me feel younger with each new positive thought. For this beach season to look my best, I am going with His billboard.