“Only those who value and understand themselves
can value and understand others. Only those who can communicate honestly with
themselves can communicate honestly with others.” Danny Silk- Keep Your Love On
Yesterday’s “fear” was a perfect introduction
into today’s “need to please”. Manipulation, control, fear and
withholding love in relationships produce a “need to please”.
As a missionary, I depend on other people to
give me money. With this money comes, for me, a huge responsibility to steward
it well and to work really, really hard. It is innate in me. I take every
donation seriously and see it as an investment in helping the poor and I want to give the
donor great results. I want to educate children, open schools, create
businesses and change cities with every penny. Yet, I am sitting in
Charleston, grumpy because it is raining and I can’t go to the beach. I don't know exactly when I am going back to Africa. It is one
of my biggest struggles, to let go and realize that I don’t have to perform. I
deal with this one daily. This is my “need to please” that I need to overcome.
It only results in an unhealthy pressure of needing to perform and allowing
others to control me, even without them knowing it! It is my own fear and
my own pressure to perform because I don’t want their love (or money) withdrawn.
It is such a hard struggle, to live my life freely, accountable to God and
trusting that He will provide. He will show me the next steps in His timing. My over-performance is only a subtle form of
manipulation, where I am proving to others that I am a good investment, rather
than simply trusting God and allowing them to love me with no strings attached.
Getting this one right is huge. My need to
please others falls right off when I am in His presence. There is no room for
fear there. In His presence, I see my worth and my value and when I am full of
Him, I see yours.
P.S. I received such sweet response from previous
posts as others shared with me their thoughts on “fear” and “guilt”. I would love
to hear your commentary and wild tales of “pleasing others”.
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