the truth

I’m reading this book, Kisses from Katie. Based on the title I would never have selected this book on my own. My last read was entitled Paris in Love: A Memoir, preceded by the NYT bestseller about the affair with JFK. But I had heard of her from another missionary here and knew her basic bio, a girl who moved to Uganda and adopted a bunch of kids. I knew she kept a blog but have never read it. While home I saw her book in a Christian bookstore, decided to download on my kindle simply to read about how someone else copes with life outside their own culture. We have these conversations here all the time in the daily comments about how we crave Starbucks and the mall. But I knew I needed to read her story. I wasn’t sure if I could relate. Adopting children?! From page one it seemed that much of her story was my own. So much of her perceptions and emotions are identical to mine. I still see her as incredibly amazing as she has completely sold out and given her entire life to these girls in Uganda. Meanwhile I have a tentative, but uncertain, exit plan.

I’ve highlighted entire pages. Here are some that I have to share.

“People often ask if I think my life is dangerous, if I am afraid. I am much more afraid of remaining comfortable. Matthew 10:28 tells us not to fear things that can destroy the body but things that can destroy the would. I am surrounded by things that can destroy the body. I interact almost daily with people who have deadly diseases, and many times I am the only person who can help them.  I live in a country with one of the world’s longest-running wars taking place just a few hours away.  Uncertainly is everywhere. But I am living in the midst of the uncertainty and risk, amid things that can and do bring physical destruction, because I am running from things that can destroy my soul: complacency, comfort and ignorance. I am much more terrified of living a comfortable life in a self-serving society and failing to follow Jesus than I am of any illness or tragedy”. 

So true. Mozambique is a little better than Uganda. My students are healthy for the most part (malaria and AIDS are huge threats). There is no war (but there was). But I know this feeling of terror. I’ve often said God orchestrated this entire place and the series of events that brought me here just to simply show me His goodness. He wanted to set up the perfect environment to show me how well He can take care of me and settle it once in for all in my heart so that wherever we go, I can do life with Him. I love my culture but it is absolutely without a doubt a self-serving society. It has strong points. My society has generously sent me here. But I know who I am when I live in that culture. I know that my dependency falls on my pay check and my car with four wheels. I know my life of living here and being solely dependent upon Him and watching others trust Him with their lives completely, has changed me. “Complacency, comfort and ignorance” frighten me. And I am honored I get to live this wild, insane life of being stretched daily. And as much as I adore my culture, I never want to be complacent and I want the poor to always be a priority in my life, as God has called us to feed His sheep. I want to value the human race the way He does. In the West we are quick to judge, accuse others of being lazy, not taking advantage of opportunities, making poor choices. I say, “we”. I mean “I”. But I know what He says about judging. And I have learned from the generosity of all of you who give to me, about how He speaks. I cannot count the times, many of  you once strangers, came to me with a check and the same message, “God put you on my heart and I want you to have this”. He will forever put people on our hearts because people are constantly on His heart. “Feed my sheep”. He doesn’t say to feed his socially responsible sheep. Or to only invest in the sheep that will be good stewards. He means every smelly, stubborn ram and ewe who are hungry, a hunger so much more than physical. 

She goes on to to share her story of taking in young girls, being given a home, starting a huge school, and a non-profit. She saw the incredible need and linked it with the resources so abundantly available in the West. I am fully aware of the current US economy and the lack and the loss. But it all pales when you come here. I also know how upside down God is and how to get you have to give. He honors sacrifice. You can never out give Him. I recently gave deeply because of my complete faith in that concept. Most all of you are the ones who have taught me that. I have watched you give to me so faithfully, giving your hard earned dollars to fund a little teacher in a little school in a poor, poor place. I have seen Him give it all back and then some. I gave deeply because I am learning that it is not mine to begin with. You have taught me that too. This living on donations from others has taught me that lesson. It’s an awkward one but it has taught me. 

Katie named her organization Truth. She talks about the “truth” behind each of her students. That the truth is that they are hungry, dying, starving, malnourished, abducted child soldiers, unloved and uncared for. My students fit into some of these categories. “The truth is that the 143 million orphaned children and the 11 million who starve to death or die from preventable diseases and the 8.5 million who work as child slaves, prostitutes, or under other horrific conditions and the 2.3 million who live with HIV add up to the 164.8 million needy children. And though at first glance that looks like a big number, 2.1 billion people on this earth proclaim to be Christians. The truth is that if only 8 percent of the Christians would care for one more child, there would not be any statistics left”. We have a responsibility as Christians. The other really neat truth is children who are well cared for and loved grow into healthy adults who are leaders themselves, who themselves love others. An entire nation can be changed in one generation.  I claim that daily over my little tribe. I pray for one leader to step forward, for one young person to get the revelation of love, to be transformed, to step into his destiny. 

Lastly she talks about going “home”. This is one I wrestle with, the living in two worlds. She writes, “When I returned to Uganda...I didn’t feel so far away from my parents and my former life anymore.  I had learned while being ‘home’ in America and away from ‘home’ in Uganda just how small this earth really is.  It was as if the two worlds I had been living in had finally merged a bit and I was discovering just how great a distance love can bridge. God really does have the whole world sitting in the palm of His hand. All of us are, literally, neighbors.  With the simple purchase of a plane ticket, I can get from my house in the village to my parents' living room in twenty-four hours. And I could get back to Jinja from Brentwood in twenty-four hours as well. People tell me they miss me  they think i am so far away. But I’m not. I’m right here, on the same earth as everybody else, doing what I know to do to make it a little bit better.

In Uganda, as in all the nations of the earth, human beings are hungry for God; they long to live lives filled with purpose and love. They want to be able to support their families; they want to be able to work; they want to be able to give back and to be good, noble people. They ant to feel important and needed and beautiful. Children want to play, eat, learn and be loved. We are all the same. We do not live in different worlds; we live in the same world”. 

I needed to hear this this week. While life seems to be passing me by as my family and friends move along without me, I needed this spoken to my mind, my will and my emotions today. Natty turns 5 this week and I won’t be there to eat cake. Laura is due to give birth to another baby girl any minute now and I won’t get to hold her. Last night, Christine went to the outlet mall without me!  But we are not so far away. I am just right here, right where I am supposed to be, doing all I know to do (often one day at a time) to “make it a little bit better”. And I the very same time, being made a little better myself.