Now what?

I had a little session with my Life Coach Steven Cooper. If you don't have a Life Coach, I recommend them. At first suggestion, I thought Life Coaches were bogus, like diet pills. Or like birthing coaches, when everyone knows when it really comes time for childbirth, focal points and staccato breathing goes out the window and all manner of screaming and yelling and whatever comes out just comes out, loud and foul and ugly and painful. At least that was what I witnessed when my sister gave birth. Sorry, Carla. Actually the woman is invincible and incredibly strong and to me, has a high tolerance for pain. I just vividly remember Kevin trying to coach her through the breathing they had been to classes to learn and prepare for this moment. But in the actual moment of childbirth, my poor sister just gutted forth a slow, steady, low moan through each contraction. When Kevin attempted to demonstrate Lamaze breathing, she stopped him. Looked him intently in the face and said, "This feels good and I'm doing it!!" and commenced with the low, drawn out moan. He backed away. 36 hours later, Catherine was born. Happiest day of my life. Still.

I strongly feel that my Life Coach has come along to help me resume the Lamaze breathing, hold up my focal point, filling my lungs with air and drawing all focus to my ultimate goal. We met for the first time about a year ago. At that time I knew I wanted to go abroad, but not sure in what capacity. I knew that I would need money to make all that happen and wanted to be free of debt and begin to build a surplus to help fund this and now I am...debt free, building a surplus.

When I begin to dream about missions and Africa and farming programs and sustainable projects and micro-enterprises and solutions to poverty and feeding the hungry, I get so excited I can't sleep at night. I lie awake dreaming of where I could go and what I could do and what it would look like and all the hundreds of things that I have to do to make this happen. I think about applying for grants and taking seed and tools to villages and establishing relationship there and learning their culture. As I began to spill all of this out to poor Life Coach Steven the other day in one big blow of  excited air and steam and squeals, the deep breath back in caused my chest to tighten, shoulders to ache, neck to tense and I realized that I was stressing myself out just a little bit.

He had already told me to chart a few things out in simple pro and con lists. This was a kinda big deal for me because I am not a list maker. I make them all the time for groceries but never remember to actually take the list with me. I also make To Do lists weekly, but mostly of things I have already done so I can just look at them marked off and feel productive. So, together, we took a few steps back and took a look at what I can do here and now. Clearly, I am here for a bit. So we made short lists of what I can do while I am here. This includes, research non-profits, grant programs and serving as a resource to those abroad who are implementing these programs and may need someone with Internet access and communication to help. I could potentially even secure grants of funding for friends I have already there doing the work! This would be great practice and a great way to keep me busy until I am free to go.

Secondly, we took a look at The House Situation and decide to be patient and revisit, and perhaps refinance or possibly rent, in December, but leave alone for the moment. I have been hearing God clearly say, "settle". Not "settle for" but more like "settle down". I just keep hearing that this could be way bigger than I could ever comprehend and therefore it could take more time that I have originally intended. Of course, I don't like to hear this. But the moment I step into the peace of settling down, I feel much better and know that His hand is not removed.
I keep seeing the scene from "Babe" where the man says, "That'll do, pig. That'll do". But in this scene, I am not the pleasant little pig and God is patting me with satisfaction. Instead, He seems to be saying, "Look at those sheep all stubborn and scattered and noisy and chaotic and all over the place. Settle down. Your bleating gets you no where". He has referred to us as sheep before so I have to take this one seriously. I think He is saying, "Slow down, walk steady, follow me and don't get too far ahead". So as I dream with God about what I want it all to look like and my dreams to eradicate poverty, He keeps saying, "Are you willing to wait if that is what it takes? If this plan is as big and amazing as you know it to be, are you willing to wait for it"?

I don't even have to answer the question. I just pull out a sheet of paper and write:

1. Go to Neiman's
2. Pick up Ice Cream!!
3. Pay Utility Bill (turn down airconditioning)
4. Pick up wine for dinner party
5. Swing by Starbucks
6. Go to the Library

Then promptly strike through all six of them and enjoy my lovely, blessed Western life in this moment and those to come.